Co-Parenting Counseling: Deciding To Go & Preparing

Co-parenting counselors help parents see past their differences to do what's best for their children.

Co-parenting counseling (also called co-parenting therapy) often begins immediately after separation, typically during a divorce or child custody case. Parents learn how to co-parent, communicate effectively and resolve disagreements while improving their relationship and prioritizing their child's needs.

Consider the following before going to co-parenting counseling.

Deciding if co-parenting counseling is for you

Parents who enter co-parenting counseling must at the very least be able to have a civil conversation. Here are some questions to ponder before entering counseling:

• Do you feel comfortable around the other parent? While your child is the priority, you may also discuss personal matters. Make sure you feel ready to discuss your emotions in the presence of the other parent.
• Are you and the other parent committed to collaborative co-parenting? Successful counseling is less likely if you believe the process is hopeless. Going in with a positive mindset helps you focus on the end goal of co-parenting for your child's benefit.
• Are you dealing with a high-conflict co-parent? If so, co-parenting counseling may not be right for you. High-conflict co-parents are more likely to put criticizing you before productive conversation. Parenting coordination is a better fit for these situations.
• Can you afford it? Parents are responsible for the cost of co-parenting counseling (more below). Figure out whether it fits your budget before committing to the process.

A judge can order you to attend co-parenting therapy. They might even specify what they want you to accomplish through counseling and how many sessions you must attend. The judge will choose the counselor if you and the other parent cannot agree on who to hire.

Barring safety concerns, refusing to attend when the court orders counseling may backfire. Not only would you be in violation of a court order, but you may lead the judge to believe that fostering a conflict-free co-parenting relationship is not important to you.

What happens during co-parenting counseling

You, the other parent and the counselor meet to discuss:

• Your child's needs
• What you want for your child's future
• Your past and current relationship
• Reasons for separating
• Whether you can negotiate a parenting plan

The counselor will assess how you interact with one another to find strategies to help you become effective and considerate communicators. They may also give you co-parenting manuals and other materials to help you learn proper co-parenting techniques.

If you're ordered to attend, the judge may outline what they want you to accomplish, such as learning conflict resolution strategies.

The hope is that you'll apply the counselor's lessons whenever you're going through a co-parenting difficulty.

Co-parenting counseling cost

Counselors commonly charge between $100 and $250 per hour. Parents or a judge decide the cost split. In some cases, health insurance covers some or all of the cost.

Although co-parenting therapy is an investment, it can ultimately save you time and money on legal fees; when you can resolve disagreements on your own, you don't need to go to court.

Preparing for co-parenting therapy

Be prepared to listen to the other parent. Their perspective is valuable even if you disagree with them. These interactions will prepare you for co-parenting.

Also plan to listen to your co-parenting counselor. They will try to ensure the best outcome for your child, whose mental health and future your separation will impact.

Items you may want to bring include:

• A draft parenting plan with a parenting time schedule
• Ideas for co-parenting boundaries (The more official boundaries can go in your parenting plan.)
• Entries from a parenting journal to remind you of the details of incidents you want to discuss.
• Pen and paper to take notes

Tips for co-parenting counseling

• Find the best counselor for your situation. Look into the counselor's background and experience.
• Be open and honest. Be clear about what you believe is best for your child.
• Use "I" instead of "you" statements. Making accusations will only cause more conflict.
• Consider the positives of the other parent's perspective.
• If you disagree with the other parent's point of view, don't make it personal.
• Walk away if it becomes unproductive.

Using technology for smoother co-parenting

Co-parenting well requires you to organize a lot of information. You may need to create multiple drafts of parenting plans and schedules, track your expenses, message the other parent civilly, and more.

The Custody X Change app enables you to do all of this in one place. With a parenting plan template, custody calendars, an expense tracker, parent-to-parent messaging and beyond, Custody X Change makes sure you're prepared for whatever arises in your journey to parenting apart.

Take advantage of our technology to co-parent the best that you can.