How to Co-Parent: 3 Types of Co-Parenting With Examples

When we think of co-parenting, we think of cooperation. Although that is generally the backbone of a co-parenting arrangement, it is not always possible. Co-parenting after separation can look dramatically different depending on your type of co-parenting and parenting styles.

Effective co-parenting

Knowing what makes an effective co-parenting arrangement is important when you're figuring out how to co-parent.

Start with a parenting plan

Effective co-parenting begins with a solid parenting plan. A plan keeps both parents on top of the parenting time schedule and parenting rules (aka provisions). It also provides an easy way for parents to figure out how to handle parenting matters without contacting one another.

Be consistent

Co-parenting is most effective when parents show up on time for exchanges and enforce similar bedtimes, screen-time limits and discipline measures in their households. This helps the child adjust to two homes, making co-parenting easier.

Communicate productively

Keep each other in the know about what's going on with your child, unexpected changes to your schedules and anything else that will impact parenting. Specify appropriate communication methods in your parenting plan. The best way to communicate will depend on your type of co-parenting (more below).

Show mutual respect

It's difficult to cooperate with someone who doesn't respect you. Respect allows you to hear one another out when you're not on the same page, then work together to find solutions.

Use a parenting app

Using a reliable parenting app like Custody X Change makes co-parenting simpler. It keeps all your information in one place. Access your parenting plan, schedule, your child's information and more from anywhere. Link accounts with your co-parent to exchange messages and view changes made to the schedule.

The 3 types of co-parenting

Co-parenting can take on different forms.

1. Cooperative co-parenting

Cooperative co-parenting (also called collaborative co-parenting) involves parents who collaborate on every important aspect of parenting. They have a respectful relationship built around doing what's best for their child. When it's possible, this is the ideal way to parent after separation.

2. Parallel parenting

Parallel parenting involves parents who choose not to collaborate. To avoid conflict, they each raise their child as they see fit without consulting one another.

3. Conflicted co-parenting

Conflicted co-parenting (also called high-conflict co-parenting) involves parents who try but fail to co-parent effectively. They cannot communicate without arguing and are unwilling to see things from their co-parent's perspective. This may devolve into counterparenting.

Co-parenting examples

How you co-parent depends on the type of co-parenting arrangement you have. Get a glimpse into what each type of co-parent does.

The collaborative co-parent typically:

• Calls or texts to give advanced notice of late exchanges or missed visits
• Exchanges their child at the co-parent's home (or via school drop-offs and pickups)
• Enforces similar household rules as their co-parent
• Talks through disagreements with their co-parent, consulting with a mediator when they reach an impasse
• Can attend the same events for their children as their co-parent

The parallel parent typically:

• Texts or emails about late exchanges or missed visits
• Exchanges their child at a neutral location like a supermarket parking lot
• Enforces different household rules than their co-parent
• Consults with a parenting coordinator to resolve parenting disagreements
• Avoids attending the same events as their co-parent

The conflicted co-parent typically:

• Doesn't provide any advance notice of late exchanges or missed visits
• Exchanges their child at the co-parent's home, exposing their child to conflict
• Enforces conflicting rules in their household — possibly to spite their co-parent
• Argues frequently, often resulting in returns to court
• Shows up at any event they wish and clashes with their co-parent or bad-mouths them to others

How to co-parent with different parenting styles

You can co-parent even if you parent differently.

Learn to recognize the characteristics of each parenting style:

• Authoritarian parenting: A strict parent who expects absolute obedience
• Helicopter parenting: An anxious parent who coddles their child
• Permissive parenting: A lax parent who gives their child whatever they want (e.g., "Disney parenting")
• Neglectful parenting: An inattentive parent who doesn't care what their child does
• Balanced parenting: A flexible parent who can be strict or relaxed depending on the situation
• Authoritative parenting: An understanding parent who emphasizes teaching their child and setting boundaries while fostering a good relationship

Figure out where you and your co-parent fit. Your child's behavior after they come home from a visit is a good way to gauge the other parent's style. For example, after visiting a permissive parent, children are often unwilling to listen since they had their way for the entirety of the visit.

Collaborative co-parents often choose to use similar parenting styles. Parallel and conflicted co-parents are unlikely to bother with adjusting their styles together. Even in that case, you can work to supply your child with what the other parent struggles to give. For example, if your co-parent parent is permissive, you may need to adopt a more authoritative style so your child learns boundaries.

Your child may benefit from your different parenting styles. Each brings its own lessons, which can inform the child's approach to relationships later in life. However, neglectful parenting can be detrimental to your child. You may want to speak with a counselor to figure out how to mitigate a neglectful parent's behavior.

The easiest way to manage co-parenting

Regardless of how you choose to co-parent, a parenting app is an invaluable asset.

The Custody X Change online app has the tools you need to stay on top of all the moving parts of co-parenting.

• Create a parenting plan to set expectations for both parents.
• Make a parenting time schedule that meets your child's needs.
• Keep a custody journal to make note of your child's behavior and interactions with your co-parent.
• Message your co-parent to encourage civil conversation.

Whether you're collaborating or doing your own thing, Custody X Change can help.