Why Paying Child Support Without a Court Order Isn't Advised
Sometimes, parents exchange money even though no court or child support agency has told them to do so. Though it isn't child support in the legal sense, the parents may think of it that way. This sort of informal arrangement may not support your child's needs, and you may regret it for other reasons.
If you have a child support agreement, in many places you can submit this to the court to make it official. Do this to avoid the uncertainty that paying without a court order brings.
What can go wrong when you pay support without an order
Without a court order, money you give to your child's other parent is essentially a gift to them. You can't control whether they feel appreciative or how they spend it. These informal payments may become a source of conflict.
Parents may disagree about:
How much to send. They may have an ongoing argument about "how much?" based on their incomes or parenting time or specific expenses like the child's extracurricular activities.
When to send it. The parent who pays may frequently run behind, and the parent who receives may typically want the money early.
How the paying parent should send the funds. For example, if one parent contributes to the child's college savings account or pays a sports enrollment fee, the other parent may object that they were expecting cash and therefore it doesn't "count."
How the receiving parent should spend the funds. If the parent who receives money believes that the other parent owes them (rather than their child), they may be more likely to spend the money on themselves in ways that don't help the child.
Whether the funds were sent at all. Court-ordered child support is usually paid through automatic paycheck deduction (called income withholding). Without a court order, you and the other parent may find yourselves arguing about funds that are supposedly "on the way."
Not only are such arguments unpleasant, but one parent might feel the other is acting too controlling.
In some areas, child support can be ordered retroactively. For example, if you get your first support order when your child is eight years old, the court may add an amount to cover the previous three years.
This can get complicated if you feel you already paid child support (unofficially) during those three years. The court might not take your payments into consideration.
Common scenarios
You received an order for child custody, but the court didn't include child support
If the court issued a custody order saying that "child support is reserved," it means the court didn't order support but reserves the right to order it later.
A court may decide not to order support because you both agreed you didn't want a support order and the court approved your arrangement. Maybe you're amicable and trust each other to work together to meet your child's financial needs.
Or, maybe you have similar incomes and equal parenting time, so neither of you owes anything significant under the state guidelines.
If your financial situation changes — for example, one of you gets a better-paying job, the other loses a job, and meanwhile your child has medical expenses — you can seek a support order in your location. Child support is based on your ability to pay, and you can seek help if you're having trouble affording it.
You're keeping your child's paternity secret
Sometimes when two people have an affair that results in a baby, they try to maintain their secret. The father avoids being listed on the birth certificate and may send cash to the mother so she can raise the baby alone. There is no custody order because the parents don't go to court and the father's paternity isn't legally established.
The child loses out by not having a relationship with their father. Just because the mother didn't have a serious relationship with the father doesn't mean the child doesn't need to know who their father is.
The child and the mother may lose out financially. Had they used the child support guidelines to calculate what they were owed, they may have found they were entitled to more. Also, they have no way to enforce whether the father sends anything at all.
The father may lose out financially. He may be overpaying in comparison to what a court would have ordered. Also, if he's later court-ordered to pay, he may not receive credit for what he's already given the mother informally. Be aware that the state may pursue support if the mother receives public assistance, and the mother can also pursue it on her own.
The legal route is to establish paternity. The father will have parental rights and responsibilities, which include paying child support if a court orders it.
You don't have a support order now but might have one in the future
This happens sometimes during pregnancy because parents aren't eligible for child support before the baby is born. The parents may come up with an arrangement to cover the costs of the mother's health care and items purchased in anticipation of the baby, but it is not technically child support.
If you have no support order but you anticipate having one in the future, you can put aside money in a savings account to prepare.
Back up your child support argument with evidence
If you've been paying child support without a court order, and now you're going to make the arrangement official, the court or child support agency will need evidence of what you've been paying.
The Custody X Change online app has an expense tracker so you can demonstrate what you've spent on your child.
You can also make a parenting time schedule and keep a private journal about anything related to your parenting so you can support your argument in court.
The easiest way to organize evidence for your case is with Custody X Change.