Holidays and Divorce | Holidays for Divorced Parents

Many holidays are linked with family gatherings. After a divorce, these once-cheerful times can become painful as you're reminded of what you've lost. Despite this, it's still possible to enjoy holidays after divorce — you'll just need to make some changes to how you spend them.

Holidays for divorcees

Adjusting to holidays after divorce takes time. Loneliness and grief may cause you to ruminate on the past, wondering where it all went wrong.

It's normal to feel upset. Bottling your emotions or turning to alcohol, shopping and other ways to "numb" yourself won't help. Find healthy ways to lighten the load you're carrying.

• Use the holiday to take a trip. If you're a parent, bring the kids along. A getaway can help you clear your mind and relax.
• Reach out to friends and family members to check if they would like to do something. Their presence can help pull you out of a rut.
• Find gatherings in your community. You might stumble upon events like "Friendsgiving" in your area. Also, look for volunteer opportunities at food banks and other organizations. If you're religious, attend services.
• If you use social media, take a break during holidays. Photos of seemingly-perfect families can make you feel envious and inadequate. Keep in mind, people tend to only show the highlights of their lives. They're creating an image of who they want others to believe they are. Don't compare your real life to their curated life.

Outside of holidays, take care of yourself. Find a new hobby. Exercise and eat a healthy diet. Regularly take time to decompress. All can aid your mental and physical health.

While it's good to have distractions, it's important to deal with your emotions. Consider speaking with a professional about how you're feeling. Venting to family and friends (but not children) also helps. Unraveling your emotions may enable you to move on from your marriage and forgive yourself for mistakes you believe caused its breakdown.

The holidays will become easier if you put in work to overcome — or at least lessen — the pain of your divorce.

Holidays divorced parents

Kids add another layer of difficulty to holidays and divorce. You'll have to help them adjust to the changes as well.

Planning ahead is essential to getting through holidays.

Create a parenting plan with holiday schedule

Create a parenting plan and holiday schedule so you know exactly how to split holiday time.

Specify how holiday time will differ from the day-to-day. Will the procedure for exchanges change? Consider things like whether you'll put a limit on how much each parent can spend on gifts and if parents are allowed to take vacation time during holidays.

There are many holiday schedule ideas. When choosing one, consider your child's age, maturity and school schedule, as well as parents' work schedules and the distance between your homes. Once you have a schedule, let your kids know what is going to change: "You'll stay overnight at Mom's on Christmas Eve, then go to Dad's at noon on Christmas Day."

Try to maintain traditions

Children need stability. Try to stick to what they're used to.

If parents celebrating together is out of the question, you can still do things like trick or treating, decorating and attending parades separately. If the old traditions bring up painful reminders of the past, make new traditions in your household your child can look forward to.

Don't be selfish

Animosity from your failed marriage may cause you to interfere in your ex's relationship with your child. But this will only hurt your child.

Work together when needed to ensure your child has an enjoyable holiday. If the holiday involves gift giving, coordinate with your ex so you don't get the same gifts. Give parent-specific holidays (e.g., Mother's Day) to the parent, and allow them to spend time with the child on their birthday. If your child is spending a full holiday with one parent, allow the other to video call. Don't compete to buy the most expensive gift. Your support is more vital than money or gifts.

Divorcing during the holidays

When juggling holidays and divorce, stress levels go up. The holidays are often harder to deal with emotionally as memories are fresher than if you've already gone through the divorce process.

Take a break from legal planning to be present with your family. Make sure you get the temporary orders you need, such as a holiday custody schedule to guide you on sharing parenting time, before the courts close. Check in with your attorney before they take time off for the holidays. Dedicate time to work on your case to make sure it doesn't interfere with your celebrations.

The easiest way to make a holiday visitation schedule

There's a lot to think about when you build a holiday schedule. You'll want it to address weekend and midweek holidays, reflect special occasions unique to your family (like birthdays) and work for years to come.

The Custody X Change app makes it easy. Just open your Custody X Change calendar and follow our steps to make a holiday schedule.

You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.

To make a custody schedule quickly and affordably, turn to Custody X Change. You'll get written and visual versions that meet your family's needs, as well as court standards.