How To Testify in Family Court: Domestic Violence & More

Testifying allows litigants and their witnesses to express their point of view to the court during a trial. Testimony can mean the difference between the judge ruling for or against you.

Whether you're a litigant or testifying on someone else's behalf, the process can be intimidating — especially when you're in a domestic violence situation. Knowing how to testify in family court can help make the process less taxing.

Overall tips for testifying in family court

Family courts deal with domestic issues, meaning it's often one person's word against the other's. The quality of your testimony and respect for the process will loom large in the outcome of your case. Heed the following before you go to trial.

Prepare

An attorney can best prepare you to testify, but there are also things you can do on your own.

• Look for the best evidence to support your case and get your documents in order before the hearing date.
• Write down the key points you want to make in your testimony. You can't bring a script to court, but rehearsing and going over the events in chronological order can help you give coherent testimony.
• Choose which exhibits (e.g., photos and videos) you'll show to go along with testimony. These visual aids help illustrate what you're saying and keep the audience invested and paying attention.
• When writing your witness list, consider what information you need from each witness to ensure you have a robust case.

Avoid over-preparing. You might encounter new information you weren't expecting so you'll need to be flexible.

Be presentable

Your appearance factors in how you're perceived by the judge and others in the courtroom. This extends to virtual hearings as well.

Make a good first impression. Dress like you would for a formal job interview to show you take the process seriously. No revealing or ill-fitting clothing. No eating or chewing gum.

Be respectful

Be mindful of your behavior from the moment you step into the courthouse.

• Be polite to court staff and everyone in the courtroom.
• Show up on time for your hearing.
• Silence your cell phone.
• Stand when the judge enters or leaves the room.
• Don't talk to your ex unless directed to by the judge.
• Maintain eye contact with the person you're speaking to.
• Don't disparage the other side during your testimony.
• Pay attention.

Your body language also speaks volumes. Sit up straight and maintain eye contact with the person you're speaking to. Stay engaged even when the other side and their witnesses are giving testimony.

Keep calm

Take as long as you need when responding to questions — you aren't being timed. Focus on the question you're being asked and answer it to the best or your ability. Use plain conversational language to make sure you're understood. Say "I'm not sure," or "I don't know," if you don't have an answer. Ask for a question to be repeated or rephrased if you didn't quite catch it the first time.

Ask a friend or relative (not a child or romantic partner) to attend the hearing for emotional support.

Testifying in your child custody case

As in other cases, testimony in a child custody case consists of an opening statement, direct examination, cross-examination and a closing statement. Testimony helps the court decide which proposed custody arrangement is best for the child.

If you have a lawyer, be sure to share all relevant information with them before trial. Withholding information could hurt your case if the other side brings it up during their testimony.

Here's how to testify in family court during each part of the process.

Opening statement

During your opening statement, you will have the opportunity to identify arguments and points of discussion that are critical to your case.

Introduce yourself, then outline key issues without too much detail. For example, you might state that you are the child's primary caretaker, then provide proof during your direct examination.

Direct examination

The direct examination is when you and your witnesses will be subject to questioning by your attorney. If you don't have a lawyer, you'll give your testimony, then question your witnesses.

Go topic by topic. When questioning witnesses yourself, you might begin with a sentence so they know what topic you're addressing: "I'm going to ask you a question about [child's name]'s school performance." Present evidence to go along with the testimony. In line with the previous example, you could show a copy of the child's report card.

Cross examination

Cross examination is when each side gets to question one another's witnesses. The goal is to cast doubt or debunk the witness' testimony or find inconsistencies in what they're saying.

If you don't have a lawyer, you'll question the witnesses. Don't try to intimidate or insult them — this could hurt your credibility.

When responding to questions, don't focus on getting the other side to agree with you. Rather answer the questions truthfully without embellishment. If the lawyer presents you with a document you're unfamiliar with, say so. Don't speak in absolutes like "I never said that." It can hurt your credibility if there's evidence to the contrary.

Closing statement

The closing statement provides a summation of all the facts, evidence and main points you presented.

Begin by thanking the court for giving you the time. Then, explain how the evidence you presented supports your case for custody. Address the other side's arguments that seem credible enough to hurt your case.

After both sides give their statements, the judge will consider what they've heard and return with a verdict.

Testifying against your spouse when there's been domestic violence

When there are accusations of domestic violence, the victim's testimony is often needed.

Testifying can be emotionally taxing and may open the victim up to harassment from their abuser. If you're a domestic violence victim, it's important to find resources to protect you if you choose to testify.

A lawyer can help you prepare and figure out what to expect. Some lawyers volunteer through domestic violence organizations to provide free representation.

Judges may try to make the courtroom environment friendlier for victims, like instructing the bailiff to remove the defendant if they try to intimidate you.

Can a domestic violence victim refuse to testify

It depends. If you're subpoenaed, you must testify or else risk being held in contempt of court.

If you're married, you can refuse to testify if your state has spousal or marital privilege which gives spouses the right to refuse to testify in cases of domestic violence. Spousal privilege applies regardless of whether the testimony would help or hurt the defendant's case. There are often limits on spousal privilege. For example, in Massachusetts, spousal privilege only applies in criminal cases.

Some states, like New York, allow the state to pursue charges against the defendant even if the alleged victim refuses to testify. This is called a victimless prosecution.

Tips for being a witness for a friend's divorce

Getting called to testify on a friend's behalf can be an intimidating prospect. The following is recommended.

• Rehearse with your friend's lawyer (or your friend if they don't have a lawyer). This will help you figure out what is expected of you and what you can say.
• Rein in your emotions. Expect the other side's lawyer to try to intimidate you. Don't take it personally. Remain calm and respectful.
• Don't insult the other spouse. Mind what you say on social media as well.
• Keep your answers short and simple. Take your time thinking through what you're going to say. Admit when you don't have an answer.
• Make sure you understand the question before responding. You can ask the lawyer to repeat or rephrase the question if need be.
• Answer the question you were asked without giving any more information.

Preparing to testify in custody court

You'll want to have your evidence in order before your custody trial.

The Custody X Change app has many tools to help with your child custody case.

You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.

• Create a detailed parenting plan that shows your requested custody arrangements and co-parenting rules in airtight legal language, demonstrating your competency.
• Make a custom parenting time schedule to show the judge the physical custody arrangement you want.
• Keep a custody journal to keep a record of co-parenting issues and organize evidence.
• Use parent messaging to keep an accurate record of your conversations with the other parent.
• Link your account to your lawyer's so they can help you gather evidence.

Preparation is key to getting what is best for your child.