Co-Parenting Boundaries While in a New Relationship

When you're a parent, dating after separation is tricky. You want to be upfront about your role as a parent without giving the impression you won't have time for your potential partner. Setting co-parenting boundaries can help you carry out appropriate co-parenting while making time for your new partner.

List of co-parenting boundaries while in a new relationship

Consider the following boundaries when deciding how you'll co-parent while in a relationship, whether you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend or are getting married.

Keep in mind that you may also want to set some co-parenting boundaries that have nothing to do with your new relationship.

Follow your parenting plan

Don't let a new relationship get in the way of your parental duties. Follow your custody schedule and the provisions (rules) in your parenting plan. You don't want to get in trouble with the court or cause conflict with your co-parent.

You should ask your partner ahead of time whether they are ready to be involved in your child's life. If so, let them know they will be expected to follow the established parenting plan.

If you want to modify your parenting plan, the changes won't become official until approved by a court. Modification is most likely necessary if you're getting married, giving your partner a new stepparent role.

Respect your co-parent

Co-parenting requires collaboration. You must continue to honor that after you enter a new relationship. You'll want to stay on good terms with your co-parent.

Help ease any tension by introducing your co-parent to your new partner conscientiously. Offer your co-parent the same grace you'd like to receive when they start a new relationship.

Your partner should not be in charge of your child's discipline, and the choices you and your co-parent make for your child should overrule your partner's opinions.

Also, don't let your partner badmouth your co-parent on social media or in front of your child.

Your co-parent should also respect you and your new relationship. You don't have to tell them anything that won't impact the child.

Only introduce your new partner to your child if you're in a serious relationship

Introducing your child to short-term partners may confuse them. Once you feel you've made a true connection, ask your partner if they're ready to meet your child. Give your child a heads-up before the meeting. Prime your partner with the basics about your child — their age, hobbies, interests etc. — to give them a foundation for conversation.

At first, don't force your child to spend time with your partner

The bond between your child and your new partner should develop naturally. Forcing them to spend time together can cause stress and resentment — especially time without you.

In the early stages of your relationship, keep your time with your children separate from your time with your partner. Once you've been together for some time, you can begin to bring your partner into the fold.

Later, spend time all together

Children often fear they'll be pushed aside when their parents start new relationships. Plan group activities with your new partner to show your child there's room for all of you. Whether it's a night out at the bowling alley or a night in for movies, activities help your partner and child get acquainted so they can comfortably spend time together and bond.

Having a conversation about co-parenting while in a relationship

Talk to your co-parent about your new partner's involvement in your child's life. Listen to their reservations, but know that you have a say. What's most important is that your decisions are in your child's best interests.

Some subjects to broach include:

• Can your new partner babysit your child?
• Can they pick up and drop off the child at school?
• Can they access your custody schedule?
• Must you provide notice if your new partner is moving in with you?

If you're worried the conversation will be heated or just awkward, you could do it in writing. Custody X Change messaging warns parents before they send a hostile message, and it keeps an unalterable record of conversations.

Planning for new relationships

Including co-parenting boundaries for new relationships in your parenting plan will save you time when the issue arises.

Unfortunately, figuring out how to put your rules into airtight legal language can feel overwhelming.

Use technology to take the guesswork out of the equation. The Custody X Change app walks you through each step of creating plan, making it easy to detail the involvement of new partners in your child's life.

The result will be a professional document that demonstrates your competence as a parent and secures your child's future.